Rhod Gilbert on BBC Radio Wales.

If you are listening to this, you are listening to Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits, some of the best bits of my Saturday morning radio show, live on BBC Radio Wales. This week, I'm in my kitchen in London with Mr. Chris Corcoran, and Welsh comedian Bennett Arron drops in.

Bennett Arron, Welsh comedian, has just, uh ... has just arrived. / talk about arriving too early for party / talk about __ __ too early. You are not supposed to be / second / feel free to go and relax / living room / really keen. That's all. / Oh, good / you've really showed that, mate / you've overplayed that / Well / on Saint David's Day, nice and early. ... You ... you are too early, mate. Go and relax / lounge area / thanks for having me / では、ごきげんよう / That's all right / even / buffet / yet / give you / a big old intro. That's / we / do / you go / waiting / we know is the lounge / area / it does seem very odd / doing a radio show / from your very own, uh, kitchen, ladies and gentlemen. ... Somebody is drilling / おや、お隣さんが日曜大工に励んでいるようだな。ドリルの音が聞こえる。聞こえる？ / hear it / I can hear it / I know you / hear it / think / you are still late on your own show / still here before you, and you live here. This is your house. / yes, I was / Mate, that's sensational / I was in the bath. It was 10:57 ... There's always time for a little bath. / シャワーは浴びたい時に浴びるのがオレのモットーだ。 / text / going / late / sorry, I'm in a cab. Sorry / late / you weren't even here / No. / your bode / you / everyone at Radio Wales. / Huh. / That's the kind of message we like. "Hope / lovely weekend / to you / Can this be right? ... "More than 8% / Huh huh. / of UK adults ... let me know if you've ever done this, anonymously. / Right. / You could let me know anonymously / in complete safety / not me / No, not you. / OK / You let me know. / Yeah. / and then / listeners / if you've ever done this. ... "More than 8% of UK adults have admitted of taking pictures of strangers on public transport they find attractive, or in a doctor's surgery / 公共交通機関や病院などで、たまたま居合わせた魅力的な異性を、本人の承諾を得ることなく写真に撮ったことがあるか / really / let / have you ever / have you ever / fancy / train / or in a doctor's surgery / yeah / taken a photo of them / No. / I've never done ... 8% of people have done that. ... Bennett, / you're not technically in the show yet, but just a nod, or, you know, just give me / 頷くとか、身振りで示してくれ / oh god ... We should / bring you on / I'll tell you what / abou that later. Is it ... is it broadcastable, this story? ... No? / actually 25% of the people in this room / Ah, yeah. / Jack / let's / have you ever taken / you're thinking about it. Oh god, he is thinking about it / 考えてやがる / that's 50% / He's thinking about it. I knew immediately. I didn't even have to think about it / 即答できないようだと困るぞ。 / no part of me / no part of my psyche / go / fancy / my phone / pervert / you are not even coming on the show today. / Happy Saint David's Day, everyone.

just joined us / I gave out / astonishing statistic that, uh, I read, recently / at least 8% of people in the UK have taken a photo of a stranger sneakily without them knowing, either in public transport / bizarrely / doctor's surgery / uh / and then I thought / preposterous / that / anyone would do that / Mr. Corcoran agreed with me / Agreed, / went around the room / Bennett Arron, our guest / has done it / find out the pecurialities of that / shocking story. Then we asked Jack / production team / and Jack thought about it. ... Have you? ... You have? / ... definitely have ... / You've definitely done it? / で、どうなんだ？ ... そうか。やったのか。確かにやったのか。 / and then / looking after the show / ear / she said / I've done it / she said, "I took a picture of a stranger / asleep on a train in Switzerland because he was cute / what ... when / people / do this / everyone / huh / that sleeping Swiss stranger / screen saver / isn't it bizarre? ... Is it normal then? Are we the ... we are the odd ones at the moment. / するのが普通なのか？ / these days / technology / think / because the technology is there doesn't mean / unusual ones / we ... we, at the moment / weirdos who haven't snapped a picture of a stranger / 盗撮したことのないオレたちがどうかしているのか？ / sounds like it. / let us know if, uh ... that is the case. ... Some people, apparently / they think / asking people to take pictures / strangers / I'm not. I am not asking you to take a picture of a ... a stranger and send it to the show / not / the show / What I'm asking you is, have you ever done it? / I read / 8% of people have / almost everyone around me / ここではやったことのないほうが変わり者のようだ / apart from me and Chris Corcoran / only weirdo / of strangers / public / I'm ama ... I'm amazed. That's what I'm asking / have you done it? / own little poll / we don't ask you to / do it. Don't do it. / specifically, don't do it / trouble / is it legal? / it can't be / It is, you know / Is it? / because / that kind of / black and white photographs of / kiss / which is, like, / post / Robert Doisneau / Boom. Good knowledge. / Yeah. / Well, / huge hoo-haa about that because / people involved in it weren't asked / 事前に承諾を得なかったから / was / know / street / No. / Yeah. And then he tried to sue the person, and said, you know / like / intellectual property right / get away with it / I'll tell you / in / Munch's 'Scream' / ... It's not ... it's not a photo, mate / ムンクの「叫び」ってのがあるだろ / 写真じゃないけど。 / if I ... / if I was the person / obviously in distress / somebody comes out / oil painting of you." .... I would be annoyed about that.

Anyway, the texts and emails are flying in / my friend took a photo / opening / __ a new can of worms / MP Jack Straw / on a train ... / yeah / ... to try and find out who he was. / Oh yeah. / turns out he's a very nice man / I know that / picture / that's kind of understandable. / internet / find out who he is / that's a little bit more understandable / understandable, yeah / sneak a little photo while they are asleep / you should probably ask permission / you should, really. / legal / "Rhod and Korky, it is not normal / strangers / from Hugh B__. Loser. / the only pictures of strangers I have ... / 見知らぬ人を、断りもなしに写真に撮るなんて、おかしいです。私なんか、そんな写真は一枚しかもってません。/ I have ..." ... Oh, god / あんのかよ。 / ... are photos taken by my father, who is so bad at photography / never / Huh, that's good / can of worms / stranger in the background / nothing wrong / No. " ... for example / brilliant / castle wall / actually / tree / with a bit of wall / the top corner / その写真とは ... / loser / what else have we got? / more texts and emails / please / on / subject / do / poll / find out whether / almost one in ten people / according to this poll / find / public transport / I think it's very weird. Don't do it / we are not asking you to do it / done it. Let us know if you have / coming up / which is / this is Coffee Morning / Lunch Club / my guest is Bennett Arron / currently waiting in the lounge / he's done it. He's taken a picture of somebody. I'll be grilling him about that / don't you worry. and I will also / wait / be doing a Chimp Quiz

Now then, look at this. This is a nice ... nice lengthy email / Good afternoon. / Good afternoon. / this is from Cormac Gillan. / Great name. / I'm writing to inform you / very formal / very formal, this / good afternoon / that two of neighbours / very pleasant retired ladies who are big fans of yours, are travelling from Donegal to Cardiff ... / Yeah, / ... on Thursday, the 27th of February." ... That's gone / came / earlier / travelling from Donegal to Cardiff / two pleasant retired ladies / purely because they are such fans of yours / yeah / J__ and A__ G__ from __ __, Donegal, / Great name. / ... were so taken / your performance in Belfast when you last visited / especially / taken / sign autographs after the show / though / nearly midnight / you must have been exhausted / they've spoken up lengths / enthusiastically / what a lovely email ! / two retired ladies from Donegal. / Yeah. / they have decided / month of February / by travelling to Cardiff ... / Wow / ... which / never previously visited, nor dreamed of visiting ... solely to have a look around / because they know you __ __ on wireless / Saturday / autograph and photo opportunity." ... As you / probably realized / I do the show from London / somewhere ... somewhere in Cardiff, __ __ __ two little retired Donegal women wondering around / asking for Rhod Gilbert / asking "Have you seen ..." / あのう、ロッド・ギルバートはどのへんにいますかね？ / probably __ __ __ / if you happen to see two shy but interested-looking ... Irish women, lurking around outside the BBC Cardiff studio on Saturday ... / Oh, no. / We are in London. / Oh ... / Production team back in Cardiff, can you have a little look outside the window and see if / a couple of / おーい、カーディフのスタッフ、 / shy but interested-looking / get them in the studio and put them on / get them in the studio and put them on air / chat / great / please do not be afraid / see / hoping for a merest glimpse of you ... / Huh. / ... or a moment of your time. / What a brilliant email ! / consideration / fond / thanks for the many many laughs. Cormac Gillan.

In the first half, uh, / Rhod's Coffee Morning / Korkey / by deciding to eat a banana / five minutes / News, Weather and Travel / did you have to say it? / can you just not read whatever you were reading? I know / distraction / over the years / clearly / banana without having you say it? / I think / if / I think / listener would empathize with me / the presenter and host of this show being slightly distracted by the person sitting next to me ... / Yeah? / ... in our studio, as it were, just suddenly __ peeling a banana / you do, do you? You / most normal / distracted by that / to the extent / actually make / I think so. / You do? / I think / unusual thing to do / live on air / five minutes / when / break / during / news, weather / as soon as we come back on air, the first / in front of me / Right / people in offices / when / see / banana / desk / hang on a sec / work / banana over there / I think somebody / banana over there / office / is a perfectly legitimate activity / OK. So / doing / break or lunchtime / what's the difference now / apart from the fact that / because we are live on air / It's radio. They don't know, do they? / stick / me / バナナでオレを指すんじゃない ... 見ろ、先っぽが落ちかかってるぞ / half your banana is falling off. ... You're getting so animated there / almost / across the kitchen, ladies gentlemen / Chimp Quiz / coming up very very soon. Bennett Arron / has the third microphone here at / unfortunately we've only / as usual / microphone stands / third microphone is gaffa-taped to a mug tree / the ... the third microphone / if we have / guest on this show / mug tree / which / really well / really ... mug trees are very very versatile. / Yes. / that's really putting me off __ you eating that banana / do you know / Mate, you need to grow up / headphone / live / can you / Bennett Arron / just stolen / banana / eaten it / this has taken a turn / Go to Chimp Quiz. Go to Chimp Quiz. / Bennett Arron / he __ __ parasites / my hair / jaunty arms / just stolen ... stolen / Korkey's / slightly over-riped / good / I / regret it / you are welcome / you seem to have no shame / first half of the show / on a regular basis, take ... take pictures of strangers / Can ... can we clear this up now? / 話せばわかる。 / go on. Explain yourself / よかろう。話せ。 / I don't "regularly" / 常習じゃないよ。これだけは言っておく。 / it happened on two occasions / joined / apparently / more / have taken pictures of strangers in public transport / I / incredible, I've / we are the strange ones. Go on, explain yourself / speaking / the first / closer to the mug tree, please. ... Have you never done __ radio before? / Sorry. Um, I, uh ... / 聞こえないぞ。もっとマグツリーに近づいてしゃべれ。ラジオに出るのは初めてか？ / I was on train / there / true / there were three nasty-looking young men __ hustling a woman / ガラの悪い男三人組が女性に言い寄っていたんだ。 / so, I took a photo of them / how long __ you __ to concoct this heroic tale / hour / you've been sitting there / picture__ of strangers / I took / so you could prove / the police / like / knight / were you riding a white horse in this story? / 出番を待っている間、そんなストーリーをでっちあげていたのか。で、おまえは白馬に乗って登場するのか？/ いや、地下鉄だったから。 / I took a photo / and I didn't want to get beaten up / looking at me / obviously / look / let's not do anything here / looked at me / you / I've got, like, three twitter followers that I'll send it to / おい、そのへんにしたらどうだ。今、お前たちの写真を撮った。これをツイッターに流してもいいのか？　ボクにはフォロワーが３人もいるんだぞ。 / and, uh ... so, that was that. That was / it / one incident / second incident / stupid shirt / bloke / how stupid was it? / it just didn't match / trousers / one was red and one was off-red / go at all / have you still got the picture? / Oh, god, no. I'm not weird. / ２つめは、あまりにも服が変なヤツがいたんで、思わず撮ってしまった。/ その写真はまだ持ってるのか？ / 持ってねーよ。変質者じゃあるまいし。

B__ / Welsh / about to undergo ... I think / the word / Chimp Quiz / Chimp Quiz / Chimp Quiz / chimp / I did / I hope ... I hope that / pointed out / a quiz about chimps / if I'm right / Jack / I think / chimp champ / I think / 8 / 8 / Chimp Quiz / Korky / five / five / I think that Lloyd Langford has / four / to be honest, I can't even remember / better than me / have / I can't bear it / involved / in a, sort of, bonus point / never / think / Chimp Quiz, you were alone, you were without distraction / コーキー、おまえがやったときは条件が恵まれ過ぎていた。何の邪魔も入らず ... / Yeah. No one was eating a banana or anything. No. / そうだね。隣でバナナを食うやつもいなかったし。 / Lloyd / interrupted / all the time / know / I don't think you should be allowed to / I think we should play fair. / Chimp Quiz / jingle / how many chimp ... / chimps / all right / Uh ... how many teeth does a chimpanzee possess? / as / collection / how many ... how many teeth does a chimp have / in its mouth? / listen / all I've got / loads of ... pages and pages and pages / information / dig out / I haven't done before / go wrong / how many teeth / look / how many / you know / OK. 34. / I'm really tempted hand it over to Korkey to give him / let's do / right / Well, hang on / quite nasty / taking a turn / well / was I close or way off? / wait wait wait wait ... hang on / you are close / 32 / say 32 / Chimp Quiz ! / one-nil, one-nil, Korkey / can I tell you / counted / primate / you / just counted / own teeth in your own mouth? / once / multiplied / boom / nailed / one-nil / you're up against __ pro / I was very close / me / instead of / probably / chimp champ / ... Question 2 / just / stop behaving like a pre-__ chimp. / Chimp Quiz / Chmpanzees ... / question 2 / one-nil / body temperature is what? ... To the nearest degree. / How hot is __ chimp? Is that the question? / you could say / how hot / said / answer might be / very different / looking / centigrade / heck / it's, uh ... / I can't / I'm too hung over to think / 75 degrees F__ / what would the human's be? / don't help him / seriously / 74's my answer / 98 / wrong way / no points. ... How many times stronger than a man / this is a good question. / ... is a chimp? / know / do / how / chimp / chimp / he does know his stuff / I'm gonna say / listen / show / early this morning / could be / as / almost / one point down / arguably embarrassing yourself / two teeth away / bang on, mate / say / four / what was the question? / I don't know / how many stronger than a man / chimp / four / I'm grasping at straws / No. / Huh. / It's seven times stronger than / man / you / notice / chimp / me / Chimp Quiz ! One-nil. / Chris Corcoran / last question was, how many times / seven / was the, uh, answer / at birth / birth question / I've done this. I know the stuff / a chimpanzee weighs about 4 pounds / correct / what distinguishing feature / does / at birth / a little baby chimpanzee / what distinguising feature does it have? / this is a good question / good question. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. / Is it a trunk? / no, it's not / so / trunk / elephant / animal / Mate, if you're not gonna take it seriuosly / I'm losing / trunk / falls off / So, your answer is ... trunk? No, it's not trunk / something / I know this. / Hhh ... let's say, uh ... / 5, 4, 3, 2 ... / is it, is it / tail / drops away / 長いしっぽが生えているのかな。成長するにつれて落ちてしまうような。 / I'm not gonna give it to you. / 'cause / wrong / name / first chimpanzee to learn American Sign Language / name / full name / full name / first / sirname / give / named after / Noam Chomsky / Noam Chomsky? / close / all / if you / call / great / full name, though / Mr / that's what I'd call him /

Chimps can speak / get / talk / right / wow / not like / fluent English / what like then? / communicate / with / sign / can / speak / started / with / last / chimps can't speak, but they / doing / fine / they can do sign language, chimps. / some of / even come up / things / so / via sign language? / they will / show / will describe what it is / talking / painkiller in a glass / yeah / how would a chimp describe it? / How would a chimp describe it? / via sign language / on the radio / yes / words / using sign / idiot / translate / word / what / spell / out / sick of / sick / sick of everything / just / painkiller / sign language / what are you on about? / let me give you an example / please do / might see a rugby ball / strange football / or / via sign language? / so / chimp might / say / broken football / first sign / broken / then / it might do a ... do a ... / sign / broken football / how / if / chimps / frankly / today / cause / even / banana / while / on air / well / bear in mind / language / if you / fizzy drink / Volcano? / good guess / not / seriously, don't / don't / let's get it over with / good / good guess / lemonade / right / ok / guessing / looking for / bubbly drink / airy drink / Fizzy? / no / bubbly / interesting / good / thinking / no / thinking / Boiling? / bubbles / have / notion of / of temperature / "Listen drink" / what / something / front / listen / chimp / mind / listen / now you think about it / so / pretty / non-story of the week / bingo / loads of features / final / final / Chimp champ / one-nil / unfortunately, next to your name / show / leader / big / lying pervert / show today / Chimp / big fat / lying pervert ... zero.

BBC Radio Wales, 11 till 1.

Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits podcast official page:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/podcasts/series/rhod